I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I will pee on everything he values.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize