just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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