saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
