Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
