if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
