I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
