You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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