I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
