I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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