I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
