I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
