Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You can't special order awesome
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
