I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
