I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
