I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
