Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
