I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
