I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
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We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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