Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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