Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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