i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
