Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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