mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
