just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
