she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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