If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
