His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
