i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize