I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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