there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
