i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
