you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
