so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
