Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
