When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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