How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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