Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
