I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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