ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dick very happy bro
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
