Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape