My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.