yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.