my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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