I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.