Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
