i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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