the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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