I wish I only lived at night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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