and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
