wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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