it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
