That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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