he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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