Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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