She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
