I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
