I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize