Your face is a jimmy john
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
