You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.