I would do horrible things to your vagina.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists