I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.