im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.