I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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