Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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