Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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