I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize