just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
