Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
