just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
