i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
